I am almost at the three day mark before my surgery. I vacillate between being very excited (especially on a day when I grow weary of the bone on bone pain that shoots through one of my knees) and anxious about the whole thing.
I told you in Part 1 that I would be candid with my feelings, but remember that I am human and you cannot expect that I'll have godly, positive emotions every second of the day. Maybe you do, but I just don't have the incorruptible mind to help me do it 24/7. (smile)
Here are my biggest fears as of today:
1. The epidural. Since the first day when I met with the surgeon and he mentioned that he does all his surgery with epidural anesthesia, I can't get it out of my mind. Unfortunately my mind is extremely active so I even try to feel what it will be like as the needle is going in my spine. That makes me literally sick to my stomach. I had all three of my girls natural mainly because I could not stand the thought of having a needle put in my spine even if if would help to numb the pains that can often come with contractions.
My prayer: Father, I ask that you calm my heart even now. I do not want to go into the procedure with anxiety and fear. Help me with that. Please be with the doctor administering the epidural in my spine. May his hands be steady and may the needle go exactly where it needs to go to numb my knees. Really really numb them for the entirety of the procedure. I ask this because you tell us to ask. And I ask in faith through Your son's name, Jesus.
2. Taking Coumadin. I have never ever taken a prescription medicine except for pain pills occasionally. To most of you, this may be extremely silly, but remember. These are my struggles and they are real. My brother had terminal nephritis (kidney disease) for twenty seven years. I saw him go through so many surgeries and so many procedures. He had to take some of the harshest meds known to man at times. Though he is in heaven today, HE is my inspiration and motivation to swallow those pills without falter. I realize that blood clots are a major concern with this kind of surgery and I love my family enough to do all that is humanly possible to prevent them.
3. Getting up for the first time after surgery. I have had knee surgeries before so I remember. I remember that initial uncertainty that you'll be able to stand up. But with both knees done at one time, there is no good knee to rely on. The feeling of standing up straight with no arthritic bend to my knee literally takes my breath away when I think about it! I am both excited and apprehensive.
Once I'm past these three things, there is the physical therapy. My surgeon told me last week that he will give me the best knee replacements that is in his power to give. But then he said, the rest is up to you.
I take the challenge, Dr. Homesley. One of the prayers that God taught me to pray when my dad had knee replacement surgery while we were missionaries in West Africa was this:
Father, please guide the hands of the surgeon and allow it to be the very best procedure he has ever done! (A few days later, the doctor told my dad those exact words.)
So, I am asking God for the same thing for me.
And, oh, the picture below are two of my biggest inspirations along with the yet to be born grandchildren!!
NONI WILL DANCE AGAIN!!!