Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Setting Myself Aside (But I Keep Pushing My Way Back In)

It's one of my strongest vices. Me, myself, and I. Yesterday I read a blog by Leah Adams entitled "A Servant Wannabe" . It resounded with my ever struggling soul.

I am quick and eager to offer my help, but then when I offer too often, pile too many things on my plate at one time, I end up feeling sorry for myself and having not-too-nice feelings about what I have offered to do! Oh the plight of ME!

Lately I have thought much about my priorities in life and this need to help others, to be involved, to pour myself into a person or a situation. It's not, necessarily, that I will stop doing this, but I am committed to seek God's face more diligently in what is required of me. Instead of plunging in thinking I am a savior. Because I am not.

The fact is that there are some things (or people) that I cannot fix, cannot change. I need to be alright with that. The expectations or the insatiable need to be validated or seen for what I have done (or will do) is not - at all - living with the mind of Christ. Philippians 2 brings me to my knees every time I read it.

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves." (vs. 3) So, when I reach out and pour myself into someone (or some project), it needs to NOT be about me. Not for notoriety. Not for attention. Not for praise. But my egotistic flesh pounds against those spiritual truths daily.

"Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." (vs. 4) "Personal interests" of others does not mean that I take on their inconsistencies, failures, faithlessness, choices, etc.... It just means that I need to care about them, and as God directs, interject His love (in whatever way that looks like in a given situation). I cannot be responsible for the choices of others or the aimlessness of others. I cannot fix them. It is not my calling. I am asked only to lift them to the Father in prayer and with words of encouragement or a necessary deed of love. As God places the desire and calling on me. Not these self-inflicted calls that I have been pursuing!

"Have THIS attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus..." (vs. 5) This is what I am learning. I am responsible for my attitude, not the reaction of others. Not the deeds of others. I am simply accountable to God and He has called me to be like His Son. Selfless. Humble. In whatever He asks me to do. No expectations. No hidden agendas. No giving in to the self-defeating need of having my ego scratched. None of that. Only living out the essence of Christ.

SELF!! Get out of the way!! We are doing this God's way!